Revisited Series
by Jaggie 107
Summary: Chapter 04, Merry Christmas Sarah, the fourth chapter in the Revisited series.
1. Chapter 1

Title : After Effects

Author : Jaggie 107

Disclaimer : JAG characters belong to DPB, CBS and Paramount. I hope all parties will allow me to have fun for a little while, and replace them all when I'm done. Thank you.

Rating : T (I think!)

Summary : Set after the end of Code Blue. Just a little fluffier ending.

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**Harm's Apartment – North Of Union Station**

Harm was stretched out on the couch, resting his knee on a pillow. Mac was perched on the side of the coffee table, smiling at him. Once the hospital had returned to normal service Harm had discharged himself, with a prescription of painkillers and the telephone number of the doctor on the discharge sheet, and Mac had driven him home. Using his keys, and waving off his protests, she had returned to the park to pick up his car too. Now they were settled with a mug of coffee each, going over the events of the day, and especially the birth of the baby boy, now named Mac…

"_How about Mac?" _Harm mimicked, grinning at his partner. "I do all the hard work, and you get the credit, huh?"

"What hard work? The women do all the carrying, the pushing, take the pain…" Mac started, but faltered when she saw the expression on Harm's face. "What?" she asked.

"My hand is just recovering from when it was squashed to a pulp, and as for what I had to check out…" Harm paused, and Mac grinned as she realised he was blushing a little.

"Harm?"

"Never mind…" he answered, thinking of something else to change the subject, but Mac was too fast for him.

"No way, Harm. You started to say something. What did you have to check out?"

"How far along she was…" he muttered, and hoped Mac would leave it at that. No such luck!

"How far…you mean, you had to _look?" _Mac's face was starting to pink up too, and now it was Harm's turn to grin.

"Sort of…" he answered, and Mac stared at him, speechless. "Mac?"

"Oh…" was all she could manage, trying to picture Harm undertaking such an _intimate_ task. It was one thing for a doctor to examine a patient, but for a man such as Harm, and especially as it was another man's wife… "Oh," she said again, and Harm looked puzzled.

"Mac? What is it?"

"I was just…wondering…how…what…"

"You're babbling, Mac."

"I'm not! It's just not the sort of thing I would imagine you doing…to a stranger…"

"Oh, believe me, it's not what I imagined myself doing either!" Harm retorted, and then smiled. "I guess you could say we're not exactly strangers anymore," he added, referring to the woman at the hospital.

Mac picked up one of the couch cushions and batted Harm with it.

"Jerk!"

"Ow, Mac! Injured sailor here!" Harm protested, putting his arm up to grab the cushion, and as he pulled at the material Mac was taken off balance and came forward off the coffee table. To avoid landing on Harm she put her hands out, one either side of him on the couch, letting go of the cushion in the process. As Harm lowered the cushion to his chest, he met Mac's surprised gaze above him.

"Hey," he murmured softly, and she answered in return. Before he could think of why it wasn't a good idea to do what he was about to, he lowered his gaze to Mac's mouth and pushed himself up on his elbows to touch his lips to hers.

Mac, for her part, was as surprised as Harm to find their touch created a reaction. Both jumped back slightly, and Harm waited for Mac to make a move off him; protest at his actions; deck him, even – although he was already technically down! Mac did none of those things. As Harm lowered himself down so he was laying back on the couch cushions she had put for him, she followed his movement with her own body, so that they were almost, but not quite, touching along their lengths.

"Why did you ask for the doctor's number?" Mac asked, softly, and Harm's eyebrows rose in surprise. That wasn't what he'd been expecting her to say, but his answer was immediate.

"I didn't! It was on the top of the discharge sheet when I picked it up."

Mac smiled, knowing from the urgent response that Harm was being honest. If he'd asked for the number, he would have hedged, taking time to answer. Harm waited for her to speak again, but instead she did something even more telling. She kissed him.

Harm didn't move. He dared not! Mac hadn't lowered her body to his, just her mouth. But what a mouth! It should be classified as a lethal weapon, he thought vaguely. Opening his eyes again he looked up into hers, the brown in them looking suspiciously like warmed chocolate. He loved warm chocolate!

"Erm…Harm…would you…could I… take a shower? Please?"

"Sure…sure," Harm nodded, surprised again at the sudden change in direction. He tried to get up as Mac rose above him, but he was faster than she, and their bodies came into contact. Mac's eyes widened noticeably, and Harm reddened again. His body hadn't been immune to Mac's closeness, but he had tried his hardest to keep her from being aware of the fact for as long as they remained apart. Now she knew exactly what sort of reaction she was provoking in him. Seeking distraction he dropped back down on the couch, grimaced at the pain in his knee, and managed to ask if she needed to borrow any clothes.

"No," Mac answered, on her feet now and looking down at him. "I've got my bag in the car. How about you get up and have a shower first while I go downstairs, and then I can help strap up your knee after?"

"Good…sounds good…yeah," Harm responded, closed his eyes and then opened them again. "Mac?"

"Yes?"

"We need to talk about this…what just happened…after."

"Sure." Mac turned away before he could see the tears form in her eyes. It took all her willpower, but she wouldn't let them fall. "I'll be right back," she managed to say, before leaving the apartment and heading to her car. As she walked down the stairs she contemplated just getting into her car and driving home, but then she shook her head. That was just running away from what was happening, and she didn't run away. Not any more. Besides, she'd said she would help Harm, and he had been injured saving her life! But gratitude wasn't what was making her feel the way she did. Whatever had happened just now on his couch, and was leading to something else – no matter how hard either of them tried to fight it, it had _nothing_ to do with gratitude!

For his part, Harm was contemplating too, even as he got to his feet and hobbled up to his bedroom. Stripping off the hospital scrubs he'd obtained during his time there, he stepped down into the shower cubicle in the bathroom and turned on the water. At first he was hit with a splash of cold water, and then the heat came through, warming him again. With his eyes closed he leaned back against the shower wall and pictured warm brown eyes, and a sinful mouth. Mac's warm brown eyes. And Mac's sinful mouth.

A thought crept into his mind that she had seemed a little quiet when she had left the apartment, like maybe she was regretting what they had done. He wanted to ask her to stay with him; grab a takeaway…forget the takeaway …just _be_ with him.

Harm groaned.

"You okay?" Mac's voice carried over the sound of the shower, and Harm opened his eyes.

"Yeah! I'll…er…I'll be out in a minute, then it's all yours."

Mac was convinced she was hearing things. _'It's all yours.' _Then she realised, he was talking about taking a shower. He would be out soon, and it would be her turn. Berating herself for other thoughts, Mac dropped her bag on the end of Harm's bed and returned to the lounge to wait for him. It wasn't too long when she heard her name being called. Harm stood at the top of the stairs, dressed in a clean tank and boxers.

"Mac? I'm done. Would you mind strapping up my knee first?"

"Of course not. Do you have a fresh bandage, or shall I use the one from the hospital?"

"There's a new one in the bathroom cabinet. I'll get …" he began, but Mac shook her head.

"Get comfy on the couch with your leg up on the table and I'll come get the bandage."

"Okay. Thanks."

Mac gave him a small smile as she passed him on her way to the bathroom. Harm had noticed her kit bag on his bed, and surmised that she had been in the room when he had been in the shower. He smiled in return as he went back into the lounge. Mac, for her part, managed to remain calm as her mind went immediately to the same thought as his. Yes, she had seen him in the shower – or at least, she'd seen his outline in the glass…

**Later…**

Mac came out of the bedroom with a pair of shorts and a USMC t-shirt on, and her hair wrapped up in a towel turban while it dried a little. Her cheeks were glowing with the combined heat of the shower and the rub down after. As she approached the couch Harm smiled, patting the seat beside him. With no obvious objection, Mac curled up into the corner of the couch, facing him.

"Feel better?" they both said at the same time, and laughed. Harm nodded at her to speak first.

"I feel much better, thank you. I don't usually wait this long to take a shower after a run!"

"Me either. And thank you for doing the bandage."

There was a pause that lingered a little too long, becoming strained slightly, and then Harm asked a question.

"Would you like to stay here? I mean…eat here…stay, and eat…?" Mac's eyebrows rose in amusement as Harm stumbled over his words. For a man who could defend and prosecute in a courtroom with the power of words, Harm seemed unusually inept at the moment.

"I'd like that, thank you."

"What would you like?" Harm began again, and then added quickly, "…to eat?"

"Italian? There's the place just around the corner, and I know you'll eat from there. You'd be a bit more reluctant if I asked for a burger and fries."

"True…but if that's what you want?"

"Italian is fine. What I _want_, however, is to have that talk you mentioned."

"Okay. Order first and talk while we're waiting?"

Mac nodded, and got up to locate the menu. They settled on an a selection and Mac called in the order. Settling back on the couch she faced Harm with a serious look on her face.

"You're scaring me here, Mac. You look so serious."

"I think what we did was serious, Harm. At least, it was for me."

"Me too," he admitted, and smiled to take the edge off the tension. "Mac, when I said we needed to talk, I didn't mean it as a bad thing…"

"You didn't?" Mac's immediate response reminded Harm of the pain she had gone through in her life to get to this point. Of the men that had used and abused her, from the little she had told him of them. Of the mistrust she was trying so hard to overcome. For her to initiate the kiss as she had given him, Harm knew it had to have meant something to her to be there with him. Kissing him as she did.

Bringing himself back to earth and away from the thought of her mouth kissing him, again, Harm answered Mac softly.

"No, I didn't. I just meant that I need to know if you want this as much as I do…"

"This?"

"This _feeling,_ of being so happy, and yet so out of control…"

"You feel it too, huh?" Mac smiled, and slid forward across the length of the seat until she was nearer to Harm, but not touching him. "Earlier, when we kissed, you were…" Mac paused, trying to find the words.

"Aroused." Harm's single word brought Mac's eyes straight to his in surprise, and then she nodded. Harm spoke again. "You make me feel that way, Mac; not just today…" Suddenly Harm sat up, and his eyes widened.

"What is it? Are you in pain?" Mac's voice bit into his conscious, and Harm turned to look at her, lifting his hand to touch her cheek gently.

"My God, Mac! In all this, I never asked how you were…you went through all the stuff at the hospital too…"

"It's okay, Harm. I'm fine! Honestly. Besides, you were the one who was injured, taking care of me!"

"This isn't…isn't just gratitude…is it? I mean, your being here?"

Mac shook her head gently, knowing how Harm might see it that way, just as she had thought it herself.

"No, it isn't gratitude, Harm. I'm right where I want to be. Actually, that's not quite true…"

"Oh?"

"Where I want to be is in your arms, but I don't want to hurt you…"

"Oh, Mac…the only thing that would hurt right now is if you _don't_ get in my arms…" Harm answered, his voice low, and Mac grinned as she positioned herself across his lap, her backside just to the side of his leg, with her legs over his thighs. "Comfy?" he asked, and Mac nodded, before lowering her mouth to his once more, and giving him another taste of herself.

They broke the position once, to pay the delivery man.

The food went cold.

It tasted just as good reheated, hours later!

The End.


	2. Chapter 2

Title : Your Place Or Mine?

Author : Jaggie 107

Disclaimer : JAG characters belong to DPB, CBS and Paramount. I hope all parties will allow me to have fun for a little while, and replace them all when I'm done. Thank you.

Rating : T (I think!)

Summary : Set after the end of Washington Holiday. Another fluffier ending.

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Thanks to all for your reviews and comments!

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**Willard Hotel, Washington DC – The Ballroom**

"What the hell did you think you were _doing?"_ Harm's voice rose, even though he was aware of people around looking at him and Mac. Taking her by the arm he walked them both behind the small dais that had been set up for the evening. Mac, stunned by Harm's anger, let him lead her out of sight of the hotel staff cleaning up the debris after the shooting. The royal party had been escorted back to the Embassy, Webb had returned to his office, and they were the only two remaining, still in their evening attire, still with Megan O'Hara's blood on Harm's shirt and jacket.

"What the hell do you think _you're_ doing?" Mac wrenched her arm out of Harm's grasp, turning to face him, letting him see how angry she was.

"The secret service was assigned to protect the Princess, Mac!"

"Harm, the guy protecting her was shot! I was the nearest!"

"You could have been killed!"

Mac fell silent. The look on Harm's face, and his sudden paleness told her far more about how her actions had scared him than his words ever could. Harm put out a hand, as if to touch her, and then he let it drop. Mac followed his movement, and hid her disappointment when he didn't make contact. It was a few seconds before she realized he was talking to her.

"I'm sorry…what?" she asked, and he repeated himself.

"I said you weren't wearing any protection." And then he smiled. That slow, meaningful smile Mac had come to know went along with his sense of humor.

"What are you smiling at?" she asked, looking down at herself and then back at Harm, whose color had returned to normal.

"I guess you couldn't really fit a vest under that, could you?" he asked, tongue in cheek, and Mac couldn't help herself as she smiled back at him, all anger fading.

"No, I guess not," she returned, looking once more at the black evening dress she was wearing. As she raised her eyes to his face once more she took in the bloodstains on his clothes. "I guess we ought to get out of here…you need a change of clothes, sailor."

Harm nodded, but didn't take his gaze off Mac. Putting out his arm, she slid hers through and they walked out of the Ballroom as though nothing untoward had occurred during the evening. When they reached the main doors of the hotel, Harm asked Mac if she had driven herself to the function.

"Like this?" Mac retorted, laughing softly. Shaking her head she answered him. "No. I took a cab. How about you?"

"Same. Want to share?"

"We're going in opposite directions, Harm. Thanks, anyway." Mac smiled, and nodded at the doorman who called up a cab immediately. Harm, still with Mac's hand tucked in his arm, walked her across the entrance to the waiting vehicle and made sure she was comfortable inside before closing the door. As she gave the driver her address Mac turned to find Harm still standing at the window, leaning down so he could look in at her. "Harm?"

"See you tomorrow, marine."

"Bright and early, sailor."

"Yeah…" Harm stood up again and watched as the cab pulled away, and took Mac with it. It was a few moments before he realized the doorman was asking him a question. "Um…sorry?"

"Would you like a cab too, sir? I don't think you want to be walking home dressed like…that…" The doorman's discreet indication of Harm's soiled clothing made him grin.

"I guess it would be better to take a cab, yes. Thanks." Harm had contemplated walking, to clear his head of the muddled thoughts there. The shooting; the recognition of Megan as the assassin; the realization that Mac had gone to protect Alexi. That Mac could have been killed! Looking down at himself and seeing the dried blood made him feel suddenly cold, and eager to be rid of the reminder of the evening.

"Here you go, sir," the doorman addressed him again, and Harm folded himself into the back seat of the cab that had drawn up. Giving his address he leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. If the driver had noticed the bloodstained clothing he didn't say, and Harm didn't volunteer anything, keeping silent until he arrived at his apartment building. Paying the driver, he stepped back and looked up at his apartment, and the one beneath. Now that Megan was gone…dead…he idly wondered who his next neighbor would be. Shrugging his shoulders at the odd thought, he went inside.

Across town, almost at her own home, Mac was thinking too. Thinking of Harm's reaction to her risking her life for the Princess – that was strange! It had never struck her before that he felt so strongly about her…he had actually gone pale at the thought that she might have been injured, or killed. On occasions during their new partnership she had often wondered what made JAG's golden boy tick, and as she was getting to know Harm she had already figured out he was basically a nice guy – for a fighter jock, and a lawyer! Suddenly Mac felt a fleeting coldness go through her, raising bumps on her arms, and then it was gone. What remained was the thought that, just as she had, Harm had put himself in danger too!

**JAG Headquarters – Next Day **

Mac watched as the King of Romania pinned a medal to Harm's dress whites, and smiled when he then kissed either side of Harm's face – a form of greeting in Romania that took Harm by surprise. After a few seconds he gave a quick laugh, and everyone around him nodded as the King smiled. Mac waited until Harm was standing alone and then she walked across to him.

"Congratulations, sailor. Another medal!"

"Yeah, but not too sure about the kissing!" Harm's response made Mac smile again, and she made a mock punch against his arm. When she was still standing beside him without talking, Harm nudged her. "Something you wanted, Major?"

"I was thinking about last night. You risked your life too, you know, confronting the assassin."

"I knew her…" Harm began, and then heard his name being called by their commanding officer. "Oops, gotta go!" he muttered, leaving Mac open-mouthed at his last statement. _He knew her!_

He knew her? The assassin? How? Mac's mind whirled as she tried to figure out just how Harm could have known. Determined to pin him down again and ask him, she went in search of him but was sidetracked – first by Harriet, wanting to thank her for 'helping out' the night before, and by Bud who wanted to tell her that he and Harriet had finally got together at the Ball. As she was stood talking to Bud the Princess came to ask where Harm might be, and Mac directed her to the balcony outside. Having given a quick glance around the bullpen without seeing his familiar tall figure, she presumed – correctly – that he would have got away from the crowd. One more thing she was learning about her partner – he didn't necessarily like to be in the limelight, preferring anonymity.

Mac kept one eye on the Princess as she walked away, and knew that the young woman had found Harm when she didn't return immediately. Taking her leave of Bud, Mac made her way around the bullpen until she was nearer to the exit onto the balcony. As people were mingling in the bullpen it didn't look out of place for her to be standing where she was. When the Princess walked past her with a smile, minutes later, Mac turned to look in Harm's direction, and found him standing stiffly, his cigar forgotten momentarily.

"Harm? You okay?"

"Wha…erm…yes, I'm fine…"

"What did the Princess want?"

"Nothing…much. The delegation to Romania need a legal representative, and I've been selected."

"Congratulations again. You're very popular with the Princess."

"Mac…" Harm began, and Mac relented, pushing away the feeling of jealousy as she grinned up at him.

"I'm teasing. But well done, it will be a feather in your cap to be part of the proceedings to set up a new naval base in a European country."

"It's not really my forte, Mac."

"The legal side is; International Maritime Law."

"Yeah, but that's not everything…" Harm began, and then tailed off, until the silence between them stretched once more. Mac was fighting with herself over how to approach the subject of the assassin, and in the end she just came out with her question.

"How did you know the assassin?"

"What?" Harm's surprised reaction threw her, and Mac stepped back a little as he turned round fully to face her.

"I…you said earlier…that you knew the assassin."

"This isn't the place for this conversation, Mac. I'll tell you…later…"

"Later when? After we secure for the day?" Mac had only intended to confirm if Harm would set a time and a place to talk about the matter, but she realized she had pushed Harm a little further than planned when he grabbed her arm, stubbed his cigar out in the bushes on the balcony and muttered indistinctly, so that Mac only caught a few words, "…the library, downstairs…" and walked away from her.

Mac straightened her sleeve where he had grabbed her, took a deep breath, counted to ten, and then left the bullpen, taking the elevator down to the basement where the library was housed. As she walked along the corridor to the library door, she was unceremoniously yanked inside and the door closed behind her.

"Ow! What's with the caveman tac…" Mac began, intending to give Harm a piece of her mind for his treatment of her. When he moved his mouth over hers in a brief hard kiss she was in total shock, standing still – unmoving - but when he tried to take those lips away from hers, Mac sprang into action, putting both arms around his neck and sticking like glue to his mouth as she kissed him in return.

When they did eventually part, Harm's arms were around her, holding tight and not intending to release her any time soon. They stood, forehead against forehead, breathing heavily as they regained some sense of place and time.

"Wow," was Mac's initial reaction, and Harm grinned down at her.

"Wow, indeed, Major…"

"What just happened here?" Mac managed to get out, and Harm laughed softly.

"I think it's called kissing, Mac…"

"I mean…you know what I mean! Harm!"

"I've wanted to do that since last night. Kiss you, that is. Actually, long before last night…more like when we were on Red Rock Mesa."

"Really?" Mac answered, unsure of what was happening between them, but wanting it nonetheless. Harm raised a hand and brushed her mouth with his fingers, taking in the swollen fullness of her bottom lip, the slight bruise that would form there later, but that would be hidden by her artfully applied lipstick.

"Really," Harm confirmed, and bent his head once more to hers, their lips touching, but with none of the desperation of the previous kisses. Mac made a sound in her throat, and Harm pulled her closer, not sure what she was actually trying to convey with the noise, but noticing nonetheless that she didn't pull away from him. Eventually, however, some form of sense returned and they straightened themselves, and their clothing, before giving each other a once-over glance. Assuring each other that they would pass muster, they turned to leave the library, but before Mac could take a single step, Harm took a step closer to her, leaning down to murmur something in her ear. When he moved back and opened the door, waiting for Mac to precede him, she gave him no verbal response, but dipped her head in acknowledgement of his words. In silence they returned to the bullpen, parting company at the glass doors and moving to different parts of the room to mingle with staff and guests. Their impromptu disappearing act had been witnessed by three people. Admiral Chegwidden, the Princess, and Webb. One of them shrugged and carried on an existing conversation; one of them scowled; and one of them smiled, having a good idea of what had just transpired between the two officers.

Mac excused herself shortly after, using an impending trial as her reason for an early departure in order to study case material.

_I'll meet you at your place as soon as I can…_

An hour later Harm watched as the Royal party left JAG Headquarters, standing beside his commanding officer, with Webb on the other side of the older man. When the last of the vehicles in the cavalcade had disappeared from sight, Harm turned to the Admiral.

"Sir, if I may be excused?"

"Of course, Commander. It seems an appropriate time to secure for the day."

"Would you like me to inform the office?" Harm began, but the Admiral waved him off.

"Not necessary, Commander. I'm capable of telling my staff to go home, starting with you. Have a nice evening, and I expect you bright and early in the morning."

"Aye, sir. Bye, Webb." Harm gave a smart salute, and then both the Admiral and Webb watched as he removed his cover, climbed into his car, and drove out of the Headquarters parking lot. It wasn't lost on either man the direction in which Harm steered his vehicle. Webb was the first to comment.

"Didn't he just..." began Webb, turning to glance at Chegwidden, who nodded in response, acknowledging the unspoken question.

"Yes, he did, Mr Webb. Funny, that, considering Georgetown is in the _other _direction."

**Union Station – Same Day, Much Later…**

There was a light on in the window and the figure of a man, alone, could be seen moving around the room, and eventually lights were turned out. With an audible groan of frustration, the man on the street turned to get back into his car, and drove off. So, it was true. Mackenzie was at her own home, her vehicle on the street in its allotted space. And Rabb was in his apartment, having just turned out the lights for the night. Maybe next time he could catch them out…especially after that little 'disappearing act' earlier in the day!

Meanwhile…

"_Has he gone?"_

"_Yeah…"_

"_Do you think he knows?"_

"_Nah…"_

"_Good…can we get back to where we were? I was getting lonely…"_

"_Oh, poor baby…is that better?"_

There was no verbal response…just a murmuring of pleasure, a squeal of delight, and then silence…

The End


	3. Chapter 3

Title : There's No-one Else…

Author : Jaggie 107

Disclaimer : JAG characters belong to DPB, CBS and Paramount – and I hope all parties will allow me to have fun for a little while, and replace them all when I'm done. Thank you.

Summary : In the aftermath of Coster's abduction of Mac, Harm learns what she _didn't _say the day her bedroom was trashed.

Spoilers : Set after the end of 'The Stalker' when Harm rescued Mac from Coster.

Rating : Up to T, to be safe. Feel free to use your imagination!

A/N : I regret I don't have the episode on tape to use the _exact _words, but I recall Coster asking Mac if there was anyone else she was involved with, and Mac replied in the negative. I have used this to form the basis of this 'revisit'.

**Harm's Apartment**

"Th…thanks, Harm. I don't…I couldn't face my apartment…not after this…" Mac murmured the words as Harm ushered her into his apartment.

They had just returned from Coster's basement after Harm had given a brief explanation to the police, and as the evidence was self-explanatory as to Coster's obsession with Mac they had been allowed to delay their individual statements until the following day.

Giving Mac a reassuring smile Harm guided her toward the couch, but Mac stopped in the middle of the apartment. "Mac?"

"I…I need a drink…" Mac began, and Harm's face showed his concern at her words. With a small smile, Mac shook her head. "A warm drink…coffee…" she added, and Harm visibly relaxed.

"I'll go put the kettle on. If you want to take a shower I'll put some sweats out for you, and there's a new toothbrush in the cabinet."

Mac nodded and began to move in the direction of the bedroom and then paused, turning to look up at Harm. "I need to clean up…the smell…you know?"

Harm gave Mac the lopsided grin she was familiar with and reached up a hand to touch her cheek gently. "I know…" he murmured, and Mac brought her hand up over his on her face, pressing his fingers against her skin, reassuring herself that he really was there with her and she wasn't alone. Turning once more she made her way to the bedroom, and the bathroom beyond. Harm stood in place for a moment or two longer, his hand still raised until he lowered his arm and began to shrug off his jacket.

Mac returned a half hour later, wearing a pair of Harm's Navy sweats, her damp hair slicked back. To Harm she appeared younger, more vulnerable than her feisty alter-ego , someone he could comfort in his arms. Dispelling the image of her in his arms, Harm proffered the cup of hot…

"Chocolate?" Mac sniffed the aroma of the steaming liquid, her eyes closed and a small smile playing on her lips. "Thank you." Taking the cup across the lounge to the couch, Mac placed it on a coaster before sitting down and tucking her legs up under her. Harm noticed how unselfconscious the movement was, and smiled to himself before answering.

"You're welcome. I thought it might be more settling than coffee, this late at night. And it might help you…" Harm paused as Mac unsuccessfully hid a yawn, "…sleep." Mac grinned and nodded.

"It looks like the night has caught up with me," Mac admitted, and glanced over at the bedroom before bringing her gaze to rest on Harm. "Thank you, for all this," she murmured, encompassing the events from Dalton's death through the horror of finding her bedroom trashed to her drunken outburst in the courtroom, up to the death of her crazed stalker, ending with the comfort of a friend. _If only…_

"If only what?" Harm's voice came to Mac through her haze of tiredness and she gave him a look that made him grin. It was the same 'deer in headlights' look that she had labeled him with on more than one occasion.

"Did I _say_ that out loud?" she whispered, and Harm nodded silently, the grin still in evidence. "Um…slip of the tongue. Could I have a blanket and a pillow, then I'll settle down here…to sleep."

"You're taking the bed, Mac. I'll sleep here…not that I'm tired just yet, and I still need to take a shower..." Harm improvised, seeing Mac about to refuse sleeping in his bedroom. Apart from the desire of wanting her in his bed – _with_ him – it was far more comfortable than taking the couch, and he wanted Mac to be as relaxed as possible, hoping to erase at least some of the horror of the events in the recent hours.

To the surprise of both of them, Mac acquiesced without protest and made her way to the bedroom. Tugging down the comforter on one side, she climbed under the cover and by the time Harm had followed to check on her she was fast asleep. Harm stepped away and back into the lounge, a smile on his lips.

**Later**

With Mac asleep on his bed, Harm went into the bathroom to shower himself. He noticed that Mac had dropped her wet towel into the laundry basket already, and the toothbrush she had used was in the wastebasket. It would have been nice, he thought, to see her toothbrush next to his in the rack above the sink but at the same time he understood her need to rid herself of all reminders of the night she had just endured. With another quick glance at Mac's sleeping form, Harm stripped off his clothes and stepped into the shower cubicle.

Mac came awake suddenly to the sound of dripping water, and at first she was disoriented. Glancing around her she realized where she was, tensing as she remembered the events of the night, and then relaxing as she realized she was safe, in Harm's bed. _In Harm's bed! _A sound from the bathroom had her head swinging round and she came face to face with the man himself.

"Hi," murmured Harm, a towel around his neck, and another slung around his hips. Low on his hips, Mac noted, and as Harm watched with some amusement she drew her lower lip between her teeth before bringing her gaze up to his face once more.

"Um…ah…hi," Mac managed, pushing back a lock of her hair behind her ear. "How long have I been asleep?"

"A couple of hours," Harm answered Mac, adding an apology for waking her up. As he walked past the end of the bed Harm turned round to grin at Mac. "I just realized, _you_ asked _me_ about the time!" Mac gave him a puzzled look, and then grinned in sleepy response.

"And your ego thinks it's because of your lack of clothing?"

"Actually, no," Harm answered honestly, and Mac's grin faded. "I thought it might be because of what's happened…tonight. Is it?"

"Not really, at least I don't think so. Throughout my life, even in times of great stress during my career, my sense of timing has always been constant. I have no idea…" Mac tried to explain, and then she looked up at Harm who was grinning once more. "What?" she asked, tilting her head to one side in question.

"So, it could be because of me after all?" Harm announced blithely, and Mac's laughter floated in the air.

"I'll go in the lounge so you can get changed. I'm awake again now – you can take the bed." Mac swung her legs to the side of the bed and got to her feet just as Harm turned to face her fully.

"Do you want to talk? About what's happened tonight?"

"I…I don't know…" Mac paused, torn between nodding her head and saying 'no' at the same time. "You're tired. Get some sleep, then we can talk later. I'll be fine on the couch. It looks comfortable."

"It is, but…" Harm paused, gazing at Mac, suddenly mute.

"Harm? What is it?"

"I think…I mean…we're adults, Mac. We could…share…the bed, I mean…_ah, hell!"_

'_Share the bed?' Did he really say that?_ Mac's inner voice questioned, while at the same time her inner self cried _'Yes!'_. One sobering thought came to mind.

Annie.

Mac didn't realize she had spoken aloud once more. Harm came up to her, lifting his hands to cup her face as he gave her a solemn look.

"Annie and I aren't really getting on, Mac. I will keep in touch, for Josh's sake, and for Luke…but there's nothing there between Annie and myself. There can't be…"

"Why not, Harm?" Mac's voice was barely a whisper.

"Because I'm in love with _you_, Sarah," Harm answered, but still Mac couldn't let go of her demons.

"You thought you could be a family with Annie and Josh," she reminded Harm, and he nodded.

"I…I thought I wanted to be a family with her, and Josh, but it's not working out. There are issues…about the Navy…about flying. I only really began the relationship because…because you had Dalton. You seemed happy. I didn't want to spoil that for you."

"Even if it meant I wasn't with you?"

"You're here now," Harm gave her simple logic, and Mac grinned as she answered him.

"Yes, I am, aren't I?" Stepping up so she was flush with Harm, the only barriers between them being her clothing and his towel, Mac gave him a searching look. "I want _you_, Harm, but I can't actually…I mean, right now, I just need you to hold me. Can we just do that? When it's time for more, we'll know…"

"I can live with that," Harm affirmed, and lifted his arms to take Mac gently into his hold. With a sigh she rested her body against his, her head nestling naturally into the niche under his chin, the steady beat of his heart audible in her ear.

"I need to tell you something," Mac murmured softly, and Harm waited, rubbing his chin against her head in response. Mac found the words and began to speak. "When we were back in my apartment, when Coster asked me…if there was anyone else…"

"You said 'no'," Harm reminded her gently, though she didn't need reminding. Everything that had happened was etched as if on a screen in her mind.

"I lied. I didn't want him…we didn't know it was Coster then; and I didn't want whoever it was to find out that there _was_ someone else. That there was you, and I didn't want you getting hurt, or killed, because of me…"

"It's over now, Mac. Coster can't hurt us, or anyone, ever again," Harm's voice above her, and the reverberations of his speech through his body, lulled Mac into a sense of security, and she let a deep yawn take over.

"Let's get some sleep, Harm. We can talk more later."

"Let me just find some boxers and I'll join you…" Harm responded, his throat dry, aware that while Mac had said earlier that she wanted him, she hadn't said anything else.

Minutes later, spooning up under the comforter, Harm settled an arm around Mac's waist, giving a gentle squeeze in reassurance. Mac murmured in response and turned her head up to look at Harm.

"Harm?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you too," Mac whispered, and they shared a gentle kiss before settling back to sleep.

Harm was willing to help Mac through whatever demons she might encounter in the coming days, and nights. It was enough to know she loved him too. He could wait. He _would_ wait. As long as it took.

There was no-one else for either of them but each other.

The End

: As I recall, Coster had tried to pour alcohol down Mac's throat, and succeeded in spilling it on her clothes too.


	4. Chapter 4

Title : Merry Christmas, Sarah

Author : Jaggie 107

Disclaimer : JAG characters belong to DPB, CBS and Paramount – and I hope all parties will allow me to have fun for a little while, and replace them all when I'm done. Thank you.

Summary : A rewrite of the end of the episode 'A Merry Little Christmas', series 9. It just couldn't be left like that!

A/N : I apologize in advance; I don't have the exact words spoken at The Wall when Mac brings Mattie to Harm. I'm winging it. I don't have access to my copy of the episode, so this is as good as it gets, I'm afraid.

**The Wall, Christmas Eve**

Harm stood, shivering a little in spite of his heavy Navy-issue coat. He felt more alone than ever, but knew that Mattie would be feeling so much worse. Not only had he uprooted her from her own home, but he'd had to abandon her to strangers in the process, unable to meet the criteria of the court in the face of Tom Johnson's objections. It was going to be a lonely Christmas for both of them. When he thought back to the previous year, as most of the JAG 'family' had gathered at the Roberts' home to celebrate, he and Mac had seemed close to taking a step further in their burgeoning relationship. That was until Clayton Webb had interfered, Paraguay had happened, and nothing would ever be the same again.

"Harm? Hi…"

"Mattie? Hey… What are you doing here?" Harm stepped back from the Wall and found his eyes straying immediately to Mac's as she followed behind Mattie.

"Mac spoke to my Dad. He's agreed to let me stay with you, instead of the foster family."

Harm looked at Mac for confirmation, and she smiled softly. "I spoke to Tom and suggested that if he gets into a treatment program, and if Mattie wants, he can re-petition the court after the end of his treatment."

"In the meantime, I'm yours," Mattie looked up at Harm, and he dropped his gaze to the young girl. In the sudden silence between them Mattie spoke up, her voice wavering. "It's okay to hug me," she offered. "I won't break."

Harm grinned in response and wrapped his arms around Mattie; the first time she had offered affection openly. In previous encounters she had cut him off at any time that he might get into her 'space' and cause her to break down. Her emotions had been on a wild ride since Harm had started the process of guardianship, and when he had almost lost her to the system – through no fault of his own, she accepted that – Mattie had realized that Harm was going to be in her life for as long as she wanted. And she wanted him very much.

"I'll go," Mac started backing up, speaking up as she began to turn away. "Merry Christmas," she murmured. Harm's voice stopped her.

"Where…where're you going?"

Mac responded with the words that had become her shield against Harm in recent months. It was a hollow shield holding no real protection, she knew, but it still seemed to stop him in his tracks if he got too close. Recently he'd been getting much closer, and she was beginning to panic.

"I…er…have a date, with Webb."

Harm dredged up words Bud had said to him earlier, at the service, while Mattie watched the by-play between the two adults.

_Flashback_

"_Sir, I'm sorry to hear about Mattie. Colonel Mackenzie told me this morning; I asked." Bud clarified, and Harm smiled, clapping Bud on the shoulder._

"_Thanks, Bud. I'll still be keeping up with Mattie. We may have to bide the court's time, but six months isn't that long. We'll get through it, and petition again."_

"_Will you be having dinner with Colonel Mackenzie tonight? We feel awful, but with two children in the house now, Harriet's finding it a strain sometimes."_

"_It's okay, Bud. I understand. I was going to be eating with Mattie, but of course that's changed. I have some food in the apartment. I'll be okay. As for the Colonel, I would imagine she'll be eating with Mr Webb."_

"_Oh, I don't think so, sir! I mean…" Bud paused, as if weighing his words carefully, wary of the ever-widening gulf that was the relationship between his two mentors. _

"_Bud?" Harm waited, wanting to get away from well-wishers as soon as possible. Most of JAG knew of his failed petition now, and he couldn't bear to hear the condolences. Not tonight._

"_Oh, sorry, sir… I was just saying that when I asked the Colonel this morning about her looking so chipper and wondering if Mr Webb had made her feel that way…" Bud saw Harm's patience slipping and wound up his speech in double time. "I just thought you should know, she said I shouldn't believe rumor."_

"_No you shouldn't, Bud, but thanks for the heads-up." Harm shook hands with Bud, wished he and Harriet a Merry Christmas, and turned to go back to his car. Mac had disappeared; she must have slipped out, he mused, while he was talking to Bud. Whereas in previous years when she had always asked him to say 'hi' to his Dad at the Wall, this year it seemed she couldn't wait to get away._

_End Flashback_

Mac had turned fully now and was walking away. In her self-induced isolation she didn't hear Harm come up behind her, calling her name, reaching out to touch her arm. When the touch became a definite hold Mac turned around, her eyes showing her surprise, and something else she couldn't quite define.

"Mac, please. I know…Bud mentioned his conversation with you, this morning."

"Harm…this is not the right time…" Mac began, not wanting to spoil Mattie's Christmas with all the unspoken distress between them.

"It's the perfect time, Sarah," Harm spoke her name on a cold breath of air, and Mac froze in place, but she didn't pull back as he slid his hand down her arm, taking hold of her own gloved hand. "I can't put right tonight what's gone before in this past year, but I was remembering last Christmas when you and I were close to something special. I want that again, and I want it with you, Sarah. Only you."

Mac's eyes shimmered with unshed tears as she gave a husky laugh.

"Oh, Harm…you do pick your moments, and you don't play fair…" Mac protested weakly, and then glanced at Mattie, who was still tucked into Harm's side. With two pairs of eyes watching her, Mac felt surrounded, and suddenly realized it was a nice feeling.

"Do you have anything for dinner? I was…planning to eat alone." Mac was aware that she didn't want to taint this special time with another man's name, so she continued cheerily. "I have the makings of a Christmas dinner, but I'd need to buy a few more items, to make it stretch to three of us. We can call and collect…" Mac began, but Harm put a finger against her lips.

"I have some food at my place; I bought for Mattie and I," he explained.

"If you like, you could both come stay with me. There's the guest room if Mattie wants to sleep. It's been a long day, for all of us," Mac murmured, and Mattie nodded in agreement.

"Oh, so I get the couch, huh?" Harm huffed in mock-defeat, but Mac gave him a soul-searching look. Mattie might not be privy to their years of almost-there romantic tangling, but she knew a momentous occasion when she saw one.

"I'd like that, Harm. Please? We can pick up the presents and all, from your place…" Both Harm and Mac turned to look at the pleading teenager, and suddenly the doubts of the past were gone; at least for the duration of Christmas. '_And hopefully into a New Year' was the thought in the minds of both adults._

"I think you have company, Mac," Harm grinned, and Mac smiled in response.

"Have you…um…said 'hi' for me? I was in a hurry to get to speak to Tom, before he left with Mattie, and you were talking to Bud. When I'd finished, you'd already left. I didn't get to ask you." Mac cleared up in a moment the anguish Harm had previously felt. A warmth spread through him as he pulled on Mac's hand gently.

"Come say 'hi' yourself. Mattie?"

"This is your tradition, isn't it? Mac told me about it. She was mad at herself for missing you earlier." Mattie's guileless response had Harm sharing a surprised look with Mac, but it soon turned to a shared smile.

"Yes; I come here every year."

"Can I see?" Mattie looked up at Harm and then at the Wall behind them, the names forever imprinted, for all to see. Harm pointed out his father's name with unerring accuracy, and found Mac's gloved hand already brushing over the letters.

As the two adults waited for Mattie to study the Wall and take in its particular significance in Harm's life, Harm's hand strayed back to Mac's, and she slipped hers into his strong grasp without conscious thought. Mattie noticed the joined hands as soon as she turned back from the Wall and she simply stood on Harm's opposite side and grasped his free hand tightly.

"Thanks for doing this for me, both of you. It's going to be my best Christmas…for a long time."

Harm dropped a kiss to Mattie's upturned forehead, and Mac reached her free hand to squeeze Mattie's hand.

"Thank you too, Mattie, for letting us be a part of your life," Mac murmured, and Harm nodded in agreement. His attempt at speaking had held a distinct waver, and Mac had spoken, eloquently, for both of them. It was as natural as breathing.

**Mac's Apartment – Christmas Day, early morning**

Mattie was asleep in the guest room, the events of the day finally catching up with her. The exhaustion had shown on her young face by the time they had eaten the impromptu meal, and without much complaint she had hugged both Harm and Mac, and left the lounge. They heard her moving around in the bathroom, and then silence. While Mac had gone to make another warm drink for the two of them, Harm had gone to check on Mattie. He found her sprawled on the bed, the covers still down, as if she had been too exhausted to draw them up over her. Harm stepped in as quietly as possible, drew the covers up to her shoulders, and then dropped a kiss on Mattie's hair. "Sweet dreams," he murmured into the room and as if she had heard, Mattie's lips curved up into a smile, but she didn't wake up.

"She's asleep?" Mac asked, returning to the lounge with a tray and two mugs.

"Yeah, dead to the world. How about you? You sound tired too."

"Is that a polite way of saying I look dead on my feet, Harm?"

"No, it's a way of saying you sound tired, but you look wonderful." Harm's words sat in the air between them for a few silent seconds, and then Mac smiled.

"Thank you."

"I should thank you, really, for putting us up like this. I didn't intend…"

"Harm, don't keep thanking me…you don't have to. I know how much Mattie means to you now; I…I'm only sorry I didn't realize it earlier…" Mac paused, remembering the cold feeling of dread that had settled in her stomach the last time he had walked out of her apartment, his parting comment a harsh _'This is too important for you to screw up.'_

Intuitively Harm realized Mac was still berating herself for her initial reaction to his petition for Mattie. He reached out a hand and covered hers as they rested on her knees.

"Sarah? Look at me, please?" It was soft spoken, but demanding nonetheless. Mac raised her eyes to his, and found them wide, the pupils dilated so the darkening hues of blue and green were almost eclipsed.

There was a tumult of emotions that she couldn't possibly decipher but, oh, she would like to! To have the time to explore a side to Harmon Rabb that had previously taunted her, both in sleep and awake, at rest or at work.

"Hey," Harm murmured, grinning at her as she came out of her reverie. Mac focused on his face once more and realized that the overriding emotion she could determine was _desire_.

"Harm?" Mac managed, the word forced round the lump in her throat.

"Mmmnhmmn?"

"What…are you doing?"

"Apparently scaring you to death," Harm responded, a hint of laughter in his lowered voice. "I don't want to hurt you any more, Sarah. I told you earlier that I wanted only you. What I want…what I _need_ to know is… What do _you_ want?"

Mac searched his face, his eyes, and found herself. As a smile graced her lips, her mouth opened to form a single, solitary word.

"_You."_

"_Merry Christmas, Sarah…"_

**The End**


End file.
